thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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