all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
