i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
