Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
