I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
