Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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