so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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