I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
