based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you win again, gameday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
