More tranny stories later!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
