I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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