fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
not ubering you a puppy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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