I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize