so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
