So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
