Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize