I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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