it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
