i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize