it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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