I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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