guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
