I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
