We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
