he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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