DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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