Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
