have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
