i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I will die if light touches me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
