I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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