I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Text me some of your sweat
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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