Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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