hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
