thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
