well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
