i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
