I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize