I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
