Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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