we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
high people should be assigned attendants
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize