Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Boobs speak an international language.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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