Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
