Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
