There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
