3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
