like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
