**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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