But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
