he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
