Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
