remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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