Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
