Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
