shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
