Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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