But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
