what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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