U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The best revenge is premature balding
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
