i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
