he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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