we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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