I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
