I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
