I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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