I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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