sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
