he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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