Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
