Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
