He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
