true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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