Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
