ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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