How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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