Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
