Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
