Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
