Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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